Where Do You Hide Your Mess?
I only have one part of my house that people see when they come to visit. It is the clean part. But, I have another part of my house that is off limits to even the best of friends. I'll bet you know which room it is.
It is my closet. Which closet do you hide your things in? Mine is my upstairs closet in the bedroom.
Depending on how quickly someone is arriving, is how much I will throw into my closet to make the appearance of 'neat and tidy' in the house. The rest of my house, you can see. My closet, however, is off limits.
Why? I'm not proud of it. It's messy. And, for some reason, it doesn't always even smell good. (I put in artificial cleaning products, but they don't always help.) And, it's small. I have to step over things most of the time, just to reach what I need.
So, when I read Matthew 6:6 this morning, I had to actually stop and think.
"But when you pray, go into your closet, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you." (NLT)
You want to meet me where?
This is the messiest room in the house.
That's where You want to meet me?
Okay. I haven't wanted to spend any amount of time in my closet, but I will go in.
Funny, but I sit a little longer in my chair. An invisible arm is holding me down. I don't want to go in there. Like I said, it's messy. And, honestly, I am already feeling a feeling that smacks of condemnation - sort of like 'disappointing talk'. I'm not sure I want to hear disappointment from God, do you know what I mean? Have you ever been there? Wanting to be with God, but not wanting to feel a disappointment to Him? You know, keep busy cleaning the other parts of your 'house', and you won't have to think about the 'real' you, all of your messiness.
I get up begrudgingly, walk slowly, and open the door to this small room of dissatisfaction.
I lay on the floor - there is no other place to sit. Even then, I have to push some things aside to find the space. I grab a warm shirt, because all of a sudden, I feel vulnerable and want something comfortable to cover me warmly.
I turn off the light. It's too bright.
As I sit there in the silence, letting my eyes adjust to the dark and listening to the sound of my own breathing, I realize the analogy that my own personal life is found in my closet. Can you see it in the dark with me?
I have two parts of me. One part I will let people visit. It's the clean part. But, I have another part of me that is off limits to even the best of friends.
I throw many things into my 'heart closet' to make the appearance of 'neat and tidy' on the outside. But, my heart closet is messy. I don't usually like to visit there. I keep myself busy with other things, and only open that door if absolutely necessary. I'm not proud of it.
I'm not 'proud' of it. Pride. Messy pride.
What an amazing site to meet God. It's a humbling place. Maybe that's why He chose the closet. All pretenses are gone. All outward appearances vanish. It's just me and my junk.
And, I have a God of the Universe who wants to be my Father, my Daddy, in this place? In here, the words don't have to be perfect, because nothing in here is perfect.
Just imperfect me in my imperfect space.
I love you.
I need you.
You're the only God who is big enough to meet me in this small, dark space.
Thank you for WANTING to be with me in my closet."